Everybody hates dating apps. They’re addictive and time-consuming, but often lead to bad dating app stories, ghosting, and endless scrolling.

Sometimes, you can weed out bad dating app profiles (men who have five pictures of themselves in front of a bathroom mirror, for instance), but in other cases, the worst online dating stories come from being matched with someone who looked pretty normal.

Now, let me start by saying that the worst dating app stories involve actual crimes like being physically assaulted or swindled out of your life savings. That’s not what I’m talking about here. What I’m talking about is a bad dating app strategy that immediately turned me off from a guy who I had initially been very interested in meeting.

Bad dating app strategies

I’ll first say that I recognize that my experience is largely one-sided. While some straight male friends have shared dating app advice for women with me and told me about their own bad dating app stories, most of my experience comes from my experience as a straight woman seeking straight men on dating apps.

That said, dating apps are getting worse, and people of any gender, sexuality, race, income, and zip code are dealing with horrible dating app experiences. In my own experience, here are some examples of what I consider to be a bad dating app strategy for guys (and ladies, this applies to you too):

• Too many people in your pictures – This causes women to spend too much time trying to figure out which one you are, so they’ll just move to the next person.

• Old and inaccurate photos – You’re doing a disservice to yourself by posting pics of the person you used to be. It’s fine to use photos that highlight your best angles, but using pictures that don’t look anything like how you now look usually leads to a disappointed date who won’t want to see you again.

• One-dimensional profiles – You want your profile to showcase your various interests, hobbies, skills, or characteristics. Even if you won an Olympic medal in swimming, having every picture of you in a pool is going to make it seem like you won’t have anything else to talk about.

• Incomplete profiles – Don’t be that person who just says “ask me anything” on their profile. The whole purpose of a dating profile is to present yourself in a way that would make somebody want to get to know you, so if your profile is otherwise empty, few women are going to take the time to see if you’re worth talking to (unless you look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, that is).

• Too much small talk – Why do so many guys (and women) spend so much time with “Hi!”, “How are you?”, “How’s your day going?” pleasantries? If you want, get this small talk out of the way in a single text and then move on to something more substantial that shows you’re interested in getting to know the person. The questions can be simple, like “how did you spend your weekend?” or “is there anything you’re looking forward to this summer?” You don’t have to be Shakespeare to learn about someone.

One guy’s creative dating app strategy was terrible

Just because a dating app approach is creative doesn’t make it good, so I’d like to tell you about a creative dating app strategy a guy tried on me (and, it would appear, many other women) that backfired.

I’m not in the business of embarrassing guys online, so I’m not going to share this guy’s real name, picture, or any other personal identifiers. I thought his creative dating app strategy was garbage, but if that’s the approach he wants to take, so be it.

Good initial dating app conversation

I met this guy on the dating app, Hinge, and even though Hinge doesn’t require a woman to reach out first (like Bumble does), I reached out first and started a conversation. We had a number of things in common, and our initial chat was pleasant. He was friendly and responded promptly, and we discussed how to do a call before meeting in person.

Then he hit me with the first red flag. The reason he wanted to arrange a call before meeting in person was that he just didn’t “have the liberty of wasting time.” Wow, bro. Same. And f*** you for implying that going on a date with me would be a waste of time.

I think he realized his mistake, so before hitting me with worst dating app strategy I’d ever seen, he tried to soften things a bit. He said that he’d let me get to know him a bit before meeting, so that I wouldn’t be the one wasting my time. Intriguing.

His bad dating app approach ruined his dating potential

Many dating app users believe that dating apps ruined dating for a number of reasons, and this guy’s strategy is proof of this. Instead of telling me more about himself, he sent me a link to a multi-page Google doc that he had prepared for women.

While I’m an efficiency-obsessed Type A woman who can appreciate a time-saving strategy when I see one, his efficient dating app strategy was a total turnoff. He even wrote it in narrative form with phrases that seemed like he was trying to optimize it with SEO keywords for women searching for elaborate online dating profiles.

Here’s a sampling of some quotes from the doc:

“Ever been married?”, you might wonder. The answer is “no.”

“Children? I find myself teetering on the fence with this one…”

“Where do I call home?” you might ask. To be quite frank, I “find boxes restrictive.”

“Now, for leisure, I indulge in a myriad of activities.”

Who talks like that? AI bots, perhaps

His Google Docs dating app application

The entire doc felt like he was posting a job availability notice, and he was the position women were applying to secure. Sure, there are elite dating apps where you have to fill out a dating application form. For instance, there’s the Raya dating app application form, which is an application for an exclusive members-based dating app (The New York Times found they reject over 90% of applicants).

But, that’s not what we’re talking about. This guy sent his dating application announcement to me through Hinge. His Google Doc dating application listed cities he found overrated (Atlanta), cities he disliked (Frankfurt), and a city he “secretly” liked (Bangkok). Why does that need to be a secret? Along with Bali, Indonesia, it’s like the most popular city in Southeast Asia for Americans.

Dating app application dealbreakers

His Google Doc dating application also included a list of dealbreakers, like:

· Multiple baby daddies

· Cigarette smoking (I feel him on this one!)

· Laziness

· “Habitual tardiness is out of the question.”

· Being a “bad kisser”

The doc then went on to list his numerous social media accounts and stated that he wanted to continue the conversation on one of those platforms. He noted that if a woman doesn’t reach out to him there, he’ll simply assume that their paths “weren’t meant to cross,” and he wouldn’t respond to any other messages on other platforms.

I responded on the app and told him that while I appreciated the efficiency of his approach, I was more interested in getting to know somebody the old-fashioned way. The following day, he unmatched with me without responding.

The thing is, I looked him up when researching this article, and based on his online presence, he seems like exactly the sort of guy who I’d love to date. Smart, successful, interesting, well-traveled, and someone who wants to help the world. So, why didn’t he share some of that with me through a conversation instead of just sending me a long a** Google Doc?

Dating app advice from women

I wondered if I was being too harsh on this guy. Had years of bad dating app experiences jaded me? So, I sent the Google Doc link to a WhatsApp group of female friends where we mostly plan group hiking and biking trips, but also occasionally discuss dating (admittedly, usually when something goes wrong).

Here is a sampling of the responses I got from my friends:

“I opened it and then immediately panic-closed it.”

“This is a really good way to encourage someone to form a really unhealthy attachment.”

“Is this a catfishing tactic?”

“I respect that, but…it sort of also gives ‘I do this with a hundred ladies a month’ energy.”

“This beats ‘spreadsheet guy.’ I think.”

“Spreadsheet Guy,” mind you, is a guy one of my friends encountered who created a massive spreadsheet with information about everyone he was currently or had previously dated. It included thumbnail pictures of women, her likes and dislikes, her pros and cons (in his opinion), the number of dates they’d had, whether they were via Zoom or in person, and other additional notes about the woman.

I’d say that Google Doc Guy is less creepy than Spreadsheet Guy, but God help us if those were the only two options out there.

Dating app advice from men

To get a male perspective, I reached out to ex boyfriends that I’m still good friends with, and here’s what I heard:

“He’s controlling and narcissistic. This is an immediate red flag.”

“Men like this love to talk about their success and travel on their profile, but nothing else. It gives them an ego boost but they aren’ actually looking for a connection.”

“Don’t think twice about this moron.”

Understood. Thanks, guys.

Are dating apps a bad idea?

As someone who’s been on and off dating apps for over a decade, I’m not sure. Honestly, I’m not sure anyone has the authority to say dating apps are a bad idea. I met and dated a man for three years who I met on a dating app, and I have numerous male and female friends who have met their spouses on dating apps.

But these days, it seems like people are getting burned out on dating apps. On one date, a guy even told me that, as much as he wanted to meet someone and have a serious relationship, he found himself getting caught up in the mindless scrolling and distraction these apps provide. I appreciated his honesty and could identify with that feeling myself.

It’s this sort of behavior and the resulting restlessness and lack of satisfaction that has some psychologists arguing that dating apps are bad for mental health.

So, what’s a girl (or guy) to do? For now, I think I’m going to hit pause on dating apps and enjoy some gorgeous spring weather.